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Dear Abby: I recently found out that my husband has been lying to avoid conflict for the past seven years or more. I’m very concerned about what he lied about, but knowing that he lied about these things makes it worse than finding out the truth at the time things happened.

The lies are about his relationships with his “girlfriends”. He’s always had a wandering eye. He has lied so many times I wonder what else he has lied about that I don’t know about. I find out because he tells himself without knowing what he said.

I’m now questioning our whole life together. We’ve been together for 31 years and I think our entire marriage is built on his lies. When I confront him about it, he says he “never said it,” but he did. How to live with a lying spouse

Lyed to in Georgia

love song to: Solid marriages are built on trust. Unfortunately you are missing in this department. Your first task is to determine if you WANT to stay married to a lying husband who is trying to poison you by denying that he said something you clearly heard. It would be in your best interest to schedule some sessions with a licensed counselor who can help you gain enough emotional strength to make this decision rationally rather than emotionally. If you decide to end your marriage, discuss it with an attorney BEFORE informing your husband so he or she can guide you through the process.

Dear Abby: I am the eldest of four children. I am closest to my youngest sister “Louanne”. I haven’t had a relationship with my other sister “Emily” for almost 10 years. I’ve tried to reach out a few times and have been declined or received cold replies. My feelings towards Emily have become deadened.

Emily is now having some mental health issues, and Louanne, who is in a relationship with her, helps her almost to the limit. She’s now talking about moving Emily from South Carolina to New Jersey and wants my help with the organization. Up until two weeks ago, Emily lived alone as she had for many years. She’s had some ups and downs, but Louanne treats this as if Emily is no longer able to take care of herself.

I have a hard time feeling sorry for Emily, and Louanne is mad at me for not wanting to help her. It destroys our relationship. I’ve tried to explain my feelings to her, but she keeps reminding me that this is about “family,” so I have to put my feelings aside. I feel torn and alone. any advice?

Challenged in the east

Dear challenger: It may be helpful to look at this from a different perspective. Although you are distant from Emily, who you believe has mental health issues, you are close to Louanne. If you keep your current attitude and refuse to help Louanne, the entire responsibility of moving Emily will fall on her shoulders, and it’s quite a burden. You would be doing a good deed by helping Louanne with this burden she has taken on, and seeing it that way may make it easier for her to take on that responsibility.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.