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“Afroman – Crazy Rap (Colt 45 & 2 Zig-Zags) Lyrics”

[Intro]Wait a minute man hey look at this man (tell it)
It was that blind one, right? (That man) It was that blind one, right?
He felt his way down the street with a stick, right? (Hey)
He walked past this fish market, you know what I mean?
(Fish market?) He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said
sniffs “Wooo good morning ladies” (Hahahahaha)
Do you like that shit man Hey man, I got a gang of that shit man
Hey, tell you what, we’re all gonna have a good time
We’ll be fooled on the drum, and hey
Hey, when everyone huddles around the microphone
I’m going to tell you all of these damn jokes that I have
At first I start like this, hey help me sing it homeboy [Chorus]Said Colt 45 and two zig-zags, baby that’s all we need
We can go to the park and smoke the tumbleweed after dark
When the marijuana burns, it can be our turn
Sing them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech & Chong
And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong
So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
Feeling high as hell, fly through Palmdale, skate on Dayton rims
So roll, roll, the ’83 Cadillac Coupe DeVille
If my tapes and CDs just don’t sell, I bet my caddy will [Verse 1]Well, it was just sunset in a little white town
They call it East Side Palmdale (Well)
When the Afroman walked through the white land
Houses were for sale (for sale)
Well, I was standing on the corner selling rap CDs
When I met a little girl named Jan (Jan) I let her ride in my caddy
Because I didn’t know her daddy was the leader of the Ku Klux Klan
(Haha) We fucked on the bed, fucked on the floor (Woo)
Fucked so long that I became a fucking afro
Then I fucked left (left), fucked right (right)
She sucked my dick till the shit turned white (Haha)
I thought “Sheeba-sheeba”, my ass looks like a zebra
I put on my clothes and I was on my way
Until her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet (Oh)
So I ran, I jumped out the rear window
But her daddy, he waited with a two-by-four
Oh (haha) he hit me left, he hit me right
The motherfucker yelled my ass all night
But I’m not mad at your prejudiced father
This is the best fucking pussy I’ve ever had (Haha)
Got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine (Woo)
I’ll just fuck this bitch one more time [Chorus]Colt 45 and two zig-zags, baby, that’s all we need (come on)
We can go to the park and smoke the tumbleweed after dark
And while the marijuana burns, it can be our turn
Sing them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech & Chong
And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong
So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
Feeling high as hell, fly through Palmdale, skate on Dayton rims
(Come on) So roll, roll, the ’83 Cadillac Coupe DeVille
If my tapes and CDs just don’t sell, I bet my caddy will (Uh) [Verse 2]I met this lady in Hollywood
She had green hair, but she looked damn good
I took her home with me because she was fine
But she howled a tail that was bigger than mine
I met this lady from Japan who has never slept with an African
I fucked her once, I fucked her twice
I ate this pussy like fried rice with shrimp
Don’t be surprised at the stories I tell you (tell you)
I met a woman in the heart of Australia
Also had a big butt and big tits
So I hopped in her ass like kangaroo
See, I met this woman from Hawaii
Stick it up her ass and she said “AIEE!”
Lips was breakfast, pussy was lunch
Then her tits burst with Hawaiian punch
I met Colonel Sanders’s wife in Kentucky
She said, “I’d fry the chicken if you just fuck me”
I came into her mouth, it was a crisis
I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices [Chorus]Colt 45 and two zig-zags, baby, that’s all we need (Uh)
We can go to the park after dark smoke the tumbleweed (Uh)
And while the marijuana burns, it can be our turn
Sing them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech & Chong
(Ay, wait a minute, man, look at this, man, ayy ha)
And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong [Verse 3]I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee
Her tits were filled with Hennessy
That country music really drove me crazy
But I rode that ass and said, “Yeah, Miss Daisy”
Met this lady in Oklahoma, put that pussy into a coma
Met this lady in Michigan, can’t wait to fuck this slut again
Met a real black girl down in South Carolina
Fucked her until she turned into a white albino
I fucked this whore in Iowa, I fucked her on credit so I owe her
(Haha) Fucked that girl down in Georgia
Came in her mouth man I thought I told you
Met this lovely sexy hoe
She just ran over the border with Mexico
Beautiful young thing said her name is Maria
I wrapped them up like a hot tortilla
I want to get married, but I can’t afford it
I know I cry when she’s deported [Chorus]Colt 45 and two zig-zags, baby, that’s all we need (come on)
We can go to the park after dark smoke the tumbleweed (Uh)
And while the marijuana burns, it can be our turn
Sing them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech & Chong
And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong
So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
Feeling high as hell, fly through Palmdale, skate on Dayton rims
(Come on) So roll, roll, the ’83 Cadillac Coupe DeVille
If my tapes and CDs just don’t sell …

Extended version with a fourth and last stanza:

[Verse 4]Have you ever walked over a girl’s house to fuck?
But the pussy is just not good? (Say what?)
I mean, you’re upset because you can’t get her wet
Besides, you’re in the wrong neighborhood
So you try to play it off and eat the pussy
But it takes so long to come
Then a guy comes in, that’s her big friend
And he asks you: “Where are you from?”
So you wipe your mouth and try to explain
You start talking really quickly
But he’s already mad because you fuck his wife
So he starts slapping your ass, now your clothes are all muddy
Your nose is all bloody, your cock was hard, but now it’s soft
You thought you had a girl who rocks your world
Now you have to get out of here
Said Colt 45 and two zig-zags, baby that’s all we need
We can go to the park and smoke the tumbleweed after dark

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